Snippet/blurb

[melissajm]

I debated whether or not I should post this, but I'm curious about the impression it makes. Since the "Demon Project" is now approaching novel length this would be a tiny fraction of the whole work, so I think it's Ok.

If I send it to DDP, I'm thinking of using this as the "short blurb" they ask for. Alternately/in addition, it could be an intro.

Anyone have comments?


Once, Mankind shared the world with other beings-the winged seraphim, servants of the Light and protectors of life, and the scaled demons, the Deeper Ones who considered all warm-bloods their rightful prey.
Once, a seraph decided to try to win the demons over to the Light.
A she-demon decided to play with her food.
And Malak was born.

Follow the story of the first demon/seraph hybrid through the eyes of mortals, seraphim and Malak himself, as The Demonspawn Chronicles unfold.

Comments

[aeriedraconia.livejournal.com]

*perks up ears* That sounds pretty interesting.

I like the content a lot but the 'once' element is not quite working for me yet. Should there be a 'once' in front of "A she-demon decided to play with her food." as well? I can see the last line would stay as is.
Maybe the other lines would work better not beginning with 'once', it made my eyes stumble over it a bit.

How about a synonym for once?

If you are worried about splashing your work all over the internet you could always f-lock the post.

[melissajm.livejournal.com]

Or leave out that second "once?" It wasn't there originally. I added it just now, as an experiment.

I'm glad it sounds interesting. Thank you!

I'm hoping this is such a tiny bit that it won't matter-especially since it's not part of the "story proper."

This STARTED as a short story, and now it's over 55,000 words! Malak's just so much fun to write.

[mallory-blog.livejournal.com]

My initial feeling was that it is too vague, particularly the lines Once, A, And.

I also thought you could trim the first line a bit --

Once, Mankind shared the world with winged seraphim, servants of Light and protectors of life and scaled demons, ....

[melissajm.livejournal.com]

I'll have to go back to that once I actually finish the darn thing. ;)

[rhonawestbrook.livejournal.com]

It reminds me of "The Fallen" which I loved. Sounds interesting girl!

[melissajm.livejournal.com]

Is that a book, or a movie?

[rhonawestbrook.livejournal.com]

Both.....It's about the Nephilum or however you spell it...they are the children of the wicked angels who were cast down to earth and humans. I was very disappointed when the movie ended...I wanted more!

[melissajm.livejournal.com]

Sounds good!