I like the content a lot but the 'once' element is not quite working for me yet. Should there be a 'once' in front of "A she-demon decided to play with her food." as well? I can see the last line would stay as is. Maybe the other lines would work better not beginning with 'once', it made my eyes stumble over it a bit.
How about a synonym for once?
If you are worried about splashing your work all over the internet you could always f-lock the post.
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Date: 2006-11-19 03:02 am (UTC)I like the content a lot but the 'once' element is not quite working for me yet. Should there be a 'once' in front of "A she-demon decided to play with her food." as well? I can see the last line would stay as is.
Maybe the other lines would work better not beginning with 'once', it made my eyes stumble over it a bit.
How about a synonym for once?
If you are worried about splashing your work all over the internet you could always f-lock the post.