Demonized

[melissajm]

My "serpent-demon novel" has been getting a lot of feedback along the lines of "This is well written, but I'm just not warming to the main character." People either seem to love Malak or hate him, and so far all the agents have come down on the "No Love" side.

Wiser heads than mine have suggested 2 possible instant turnoffs:

1. Serpent-demons, including Malak, eat anything that moves, including people.

2. Readers see "seraphim" and "demon" and assume a religious framework that isn't there, which throws them off.

So, does anyone have a strong reaction to either of those issues? Or suggestions? Thanks!

Comments

[j-cheney.livejournal.com]

Not a good day to ask this if you want many responses....I'd say ask it again after Christmas is past. ;o)

[kara-gnome.livejournal.com]

I'd think, myself, and from not a huge experience with reading novels like this :D, that number 1. would be all right, actually. People have a fascination with being eaten (Jurassic Park), and like that feeling of being victims, mostly. I mean, within limits, but it's a sexy idea, if you see what I mean.

number 2. Yeah, I'm sorry to say. It's why I would be, well, I hope it's okay, but these things are religious. It would be like naming groups the Evangelicals and the Conservatives and then saying, but wait, there's nothing political here at all! (Or Liberals and Left-wingers, just to maintain political balance ;-D)

It's throwing out expectations and then not delivering. Or using words that aren't intended.

Ms. Bear was talking about this the other day, about how she couldn't use bosom in relating to a man, as in the man's bosom. That's waaaay smaller than this, do you think? I've been thinking about that observation, lately, which is why it struck me.

Anyway, as far as suggestions, well, can your seraphims and demons be called something else? I'd use Rogets International and myth books and see if you can find something there. One way that I made up beings was I took random letters: wsofhzug9rginbzoieghdlbnjgeggjhgtuibnlgg, and then looked through them to see if I could use a word. The b'Nlggs, for exmaple, or the Ginbzois :D.

Or not, you know, you'll work it out, no worries.

In the meantime, I'm sorry about the mixed reviews/opinions.

[jjschwabach.livejournal.com]

The only thing is, Jurassic Park isn't written from the velociraptors' POV, Also, we accept that T. Rex eats everything that moves, because she's an uberpredator. But she does not eat other T. Rexes, even in the sequel, when there are others. "Including people" includes other serpent demons, which give me major paws.

[jimhines.livejournal.com]

Well, you know how I feel about those cannibalistic protagonists :-)

I would say that "seraphim" has a stronger religious connotation. "Demon" is pretty generic in fantasy, but to me, "seraphim" puts us firmly in a Christian/angelic framework until proven otherwise. How are you using the term?

[jjschwabach.livejournal.com]

I agree on the saraphim/demon thing. Calling someone whose culture and customs you don't understand "demons" is so common even in our own world that when someone attributes negative attributes to an entire group, it's actually *called* "demonizing." But Saraphim is pretty darn specific. Saraphim are not just angels, but a particular order of angels, from a very specific tradition. Nearly every culture in the world has some concept that corresponds to "demon."

I apologize for any typos. I don't have my glasses on, so I can't see what I've typed as well as I'd like.

[spcpthook.livejournal.com]

I have to go with the majority here. Demon doesn't bother me. Seraphim would immediately turn me off as too religious for what i enjoy reading. As for number 1. I think a lot of it would have to do on how it was handled. Does he just get hungry and eat whoever's closest or is there usually something beyond hunger that convinces him to consume his own species. I think it comes down more to whether or not his behavior has any sort of scruples or morals behind it. in other words, behavior your audience can balance the non-acceptable behavior with. If he's little more than a ravening monster then he's not likely to be an enjoyable character as a protag. Give him personality and reason your readers can identify with, or create a world where ravening is so completely acceptable that he's the good guy because on average he only eats one neighbor a month rather than three *grin* and you might have something. Anything can be done. it all comes down to how you make it acceptable.